Utah: Hi, my name is Utah Hans, and I am here because I have had a weird obsession since I was a kid.
Utah: I’ve had an obsession with writing jokes about working at the CIA, but I’ve never been an employee or anything
Utah: I’ve always known I would be a failure in life, but 8-year-old me was wondering how to write foreign policy jokes about Boris Yelstkin because I saw him on the cover of Time magazine.
Utah: The issue that I had with writing those jokes was that I did not know if the information publicly available or not was the truth or not
Utah: 8 year old me would cry that I could not investigate it because I was only 8 years old and lived in New Jersey
Utah: I thought that it was called writer’s block when you can’t write jokes
Utah: I had an entire military blocking me from writing anything because everything was classified.
Utah: A literal military block.
Utah: As I progressed through life, I realized that most of the news headlines made absolutely no fucking sense, so I became pretty jaded, you know?
Utah: That affected me. It affected me a lot.
Utah: I was depressed, and my grades were miserable because I spent most of my time sitting and watching CNN and local news channels to help me figure out something to write to at least make me laugh for once
Utah: But for some reason, in like the 90s, the news stations switched to showing bad stuff only for like a long time
Utah: This ended up causing a bias in reporting, which made it impossible to write good jokes.
Utah: So, instead, I learned to reference stuff, like in Family Guy. Whenever I had a conversation, I would make it my ultimate goal to point out something closely related to something earlier.
