Utah: Remember, I did all this because, for some reason, I was born with a fucking lifelong obsession to write jokes for employees of the CIA
Utah: I had no idea what the hell you all did. I was eight years old. I don’t even remember how I found out about the CIA.
Utah: One day, I woke up and said, “I want to write jokes that would make CIA employees laugh. But only they will be able to understand them.”
Utah: I’ll tell you the first lesson I taught myself when writing jokes for you all
Utah: My first rule was that you have to be psychotically professional and clean.
Utah: I mean, you don’t even fully understand.
Utah: So the real ones, I know you’re watching.
Utah: Let me tell you what it means to be psychotically clean, OK?
Utah: What’s the worst part about being CIA
Utah: Being Correct
Utah: Why is that the worst part?
Utah: Because they don’t want you to be.
Utah: I know about the star wall, but let’s talk about making a career wall
Utah: It’s for everyone whose careers were killed because they were correct.
Utah: It would cover every square inch of this place
Utah: It would be a black suit and tie, but it could be customized in a unique way.
Utah: Up to the recipient.
Utah: Let’s talk Vladamir Putin
